5 Q&A With Perpetuate The Struggle
Can you tell us about the inspiration behind "Black Curtain" and the story it tells?
“Black Curtain” deals with how constant trauma over long periods of time from a very early age make it all but impossible to remember most of life lived to that point. There are flashes and bits of memory but it is more like what just slips through the barrier the mind puts in place to save someone from living in a barrage of memories to painful to allow them to function in every day life the way needed. It is also a mechanism of adaptation for continuing to function with old trauma still present and new trauma being added to it on a regular basis. It gets to a point too late at on older age where it is realized there are very fee memories that can be pulled up easily or at all. This is bad memories and good memories. Memories shared with precious loved ones and horrible people in your life are all seemingly lost. As a function of this process in present, everyday life the mind continues to function in this way in regards to memories and it can turn a person's world upside down again later in life when trying to deal with it.
Were there any challenges or breakthrough moments during the songwriting process for this song?
The biggest challenge was just starting to write the songs, “Black Curtain” included. I have always had a gift, talent or whatever someone might call it for expressing myself in writing but have largely squandered that potential. Another is that I am still in the process of holding on to my mom after losing her 2 days before her birthday toward the end of 2023. It has been a complex journey of just, for every song.....using the inspiration she has given me even in death to push past my own fear, anxiety, self-loathing...just to push through everything that has been holding me back mentally my whole life to make sure I don't waste mom's final gift to me.
Can you talk about the recording and production process for "Black Curtain?"
Well, since I have never had much experience in the way of music until now Indonesia known that I have a lot really fleshed out in a concrete process. I am keeping an open mind to how I attack each song and the short and long term goals I am forming as I go but there are a few constants. For one, for each song I create with my lyrics and AI about 25-40 or so versions of the song in multiple genres. I do an initial batch of songs to catch any typos, auto corrects I didn't see, and to listen for words the ai mispronounced. There can also be formatting issues where when moving Lyrica from one medium to another some of the lines can get wrapped around each other and it can affect the vocals in very noticeable ways. After hopefully catching all of those I really jump into generating lots of versions of the song and I listen to them just all the time. Even though I am not a true musician my life has been about music for most of my life. I have probably listened to 100k+ hours of music. I am of a type, not as much now, that if I truly love the music I am listening to I can listen to the same music for hours, days and sometimes weeks. When I create my songs, aside from a handful of versions that are immediately deleted I have about 20-40 versions of each song when I am ready to parse through and decide which are at the top of my list. I listen to them a lot before deciding. Just like any hit in popular media that people can listen to over and over again and still continue to evoke the same response to, I do that with my music and the ones that keep me feeling that way for the longest are the ones that make it.
What is your creative vision as an artist?
Specifically I want to make music that anyone can listen to, music that the want to listen to. As a lyricist with a deep love for all kinds of music I am free to work in any genre I want. For the most part there will be messages in all my music. I don't want to limit my reach to other people with a great passion for music by possibly not being in the pervue of what they would normally listen too. I want to help as many people with similar experiences to what I have had in my life by giving them something relatable while possibly helping them get through different times in there life just like so many musicians have done and still do for me in my life. Also, at the end of the day good music is good music. I enjoy music just for the sake of enjoying it. If I could get someone's feet tapping or hand tapping on a counter or singing out a song just because they hear it in the moment, then that would be what it is all about as well.
What are some of the biggest challenges you have faced as a musician, and how did you overcome them?
I really haven't had many because I never pursued a career music because I was just too beaten down by life in general to feel like I could do anything. So, I guess the biggest challenge and the biggest challenges to myself on this journey were getting to a point where I could use the inspiration my mom gave me after passing instead of letting it continue to fester inside like a cancer. By also finally finding a way to not waste that inspiration by letting all of my own internal struggles, fear and doubt hold me down.
