How Empowering Celibacy Truly Is?
In this day and age, where a sexual partner can be self-delivered to your door faster than a pizza, not everybody feels good about the dating scene, in fact, many are considering celibacy to restore their peace.
Ending messy situationships sounds like heaven to many, and not wasting time on passengers in your life again sounds like a good deal in theory, but does celibacy really work like a charm in real life?
Tina, who hasn’t had sex since 2019, is giving me a constipated expression when being asked. She replies with a metaphor, “4 years into celibacy, I just want to say that…I somehow feel like an island.” Like many people, Tina entered celibacy by choice when casual sex became more headache than pleasure. With a real partner nowhere in sight, she decided to take a step back and regroup.
In the beginning, Tina struggled with desires. She did break the code several times but always came crawling back to the “no man’s land.” She admitted that saying “no” to bullshit makes her feel pretty powerful.
“The trick is learning how to pleasure yourself,” Tina said. She said giving herself the best organism in the world was the most empowering thing she has done. With more time on her hands, she devoted her energy to focusing on what she was truly passionate about. She spent Friday nights watching her favorite movies in bed and stopped drinking past her limits. She started a business and began taking care of herself. She realized that much of the social anxiety could be avoided, and without the pressure to look good naked, she even struggled less with body image.
“Enough is enough, you know,” she said. She found celibacy to be liberating in the beginning, but peace and comfort also had their downsides.
“You really begin to question the nature of relationships…and how unnecessary it is…now that’s a place you don’t want to be,” Tina admitted. For the past four years, she has been self-sufficient. She has proven to herself that she doesn’t need a man in her life, and it’s getting harder and harder to get her back to dating.
“One day, you’re gonna wake up and realize that you don’t want to go back to relationships. You are happy, but at the same time, you wonder, are you supposed to be single for the rest of your life?” she concluded that she hadn’t met the one, and things would be different with the perfect man, but she also claimed, “Still, I prefer my life in peace and free of blowjobs.”
Tina isn’t the only one who struggled with intimacy after long-term celibacy. Many have expressed a similar issue. “I’ve been celibate for so long that now I’m scared of intimacy,” wrote suzzane0909 on Reddit. “I don't ever want to go there again. I don't care how ‘good’ a person is,” echoed tatiqbanks.
Heartbreak is one of the top reasons why people go into celibacy voluntarily. The modern dating scene and hookup culture also give many a harder push. “Being celibate for me is a sense of peace, it always has been during my single periods. But if I am being completely honest, I am afraid to date or even talk to men nowadays,” admitted Bubbly_Sky9592, “I really don't want to be a part of what's called the dating scene of today.”
Like Tina, many still plan on having a partner and don’t believe that celibacy is the ultimate fix, but until a better solution comes up, they intend to stay where they are.
