REVIEW & INTERVIEW: PLEASEPRETTYLEA “OHHEYCIDE”
Disclaimer: the content of this article touches on suicide ideation, viewer discretion advised.
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“To become comfortable with the uncomfortable to progress.” Pleaseprettylea
The world has lost its color. Her legs trembled and returned to silence. A fragile, detached whisper revolves around the feathery choir and moanful strings, with its strength stollen, exhausted, and fractured, “I wish you would save me, but you’re the one that breaks me; I wish you would save me, but you’re the one that hates me.”
They say that the one we love and trust the most has the power to destroy us. You expect them to guard and protect it; then they stab it in your heart with the power handed by yourself. The person you used to be died at that moment, and the world has shattered into pieces.
The demonic whispers have convinced you of something that wasn’t true. The thought of ending it all has crossed your mind. “Suicide ideation is real and although it is uncomfortable it needs to be spoken about,” said Pleaseprettylea.
Photo credit: Nicole Amy Visuals
“I was experiencing intense emotions that I found difficult to comprehend at the time,” she continued, “I remember sitting in front of my mirror following a chaotic episode for about 30mins in silence. Shortly after, I started writing what would be ‘Ohheycide.’”
Time rolls back to the preparation as the footstep approaches, eerie piano sparsely scattered. As if it was governed by an entity, the rope was tempting to be put on. “She pulls the rope, yet there is no sound.” The narration took a sudden turn into raw, exposed emotions as the sound of a beating heart in replacement of the footsteps.
“Clench my heart as it breaks a million times. Painted lips as I force a broken smile.”
“I think it was when I realized I was beginning to scare myself,” the idea of writing a song about suicide came to her mind. “I still have flashbacks every day of significant past events. Sometimes they are derived through dreams and daydreams. Other times, it could be specific cars, sounds, text, familiar emotions but different circumstances,” she said. At times, the temptation to be triggered and to keep on reliving the state of familiarity can be addictive and hard to resist. The walk of anger and frustration repressed within oneself is a lonely battle with darkness.
“When I’m alone in my chaos, I can become very impulsive, like really hyperactive but in a dangerous way. I also ‘check out,’ as if I have left my body.” Pleaseprettyplea continued, “When I’m alone in my depressive state, I tend to isolate myself and not tend to my personal needs. I tend to either not eat or eat in a way that would not benefit my health. Sleep too much or sleep too little. I tend to lack motivation and have no desire to complete any tasks. I can become extremely lethargic and short-tempered.”
In its raw, honest expression, “Ohheycide” sheds light on the healing process of trauma and PTSD. Even in the darkness when you were convinced of worthlessness and tempted to end it all, there was still hope.
“I love the fact that the last line is ‘NO NOT THIS TIME.’ This last statement really needed to be said because even when I thought hope wasn’t there, it was. I just needed to search a little further down,” said Pleaseprettylea.
To trust and love yourself again is going to take a lot of effort and strength, but in the end there is hope. For every day you’ve survived is a battle won.
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