“A woman should never be silenced about what they have been through, and I want to be strong enough to honor that.” Marlee Smith. 

Unlike most of us, Marlee Smith didn’t start her childhood in loving hands. She was abused by the person who was supposed to love and care for her. The nightmare didn’t end when her father passed away. She was raped by a person she personally knew. Despite how hard it was to bring her worst nightmare to the public, Marlee Smith spent the rest of her teens going through the Supreme Court, making sure the perpetrator will never hurt another woman.  

The narrative changed when Marlee Smith was about 20 years old. Instead of being the victim, she decided to look forward and stand up for herself and others. She joined the military as a medic and eventually became a Paramedic. “I vowed that I would not let those who hurt me in my past continue to hurt me in the present. I couldn’t change what those people had done to me, but I could refuse to let them haunt my present,” she said, “I shaped myself into a woman who was fiercely strong and independent.” 

At the very beginning, music was introduced to her as comfort and a method of healing. Before going into songwriting, Marlee Smith was a professionally trained violinist. “I would often use my violin as an escape from the domestic violence at home. I’d close my bedroom door and get lost in performing the music,” said Smith. When she first picked up a guitar a few years ago, Marlee Smith has found the right medium to tell her story. Her voice has become a sword, and music has become her armor. From that point on, she has become a warrior to shed light on abuse and social taboos.  

Years later, far away from the past pain, she found herself in another form of abuse hidden behind love and trust – emotional abuse is more damaging yet less spoken. “For me, trust is the singular hardest thing for me to do, and the one person I had trusted with my world was about to shatter it,” she said. In the arm of what seemed to be a loving person who turned out to be a narcissist, she was manipulated, gaslighted, and isolated. “By the end of our relationship, I had no confidence, no self-esteem, and had become completely dependent. It was only when I had nothing left to give that this person’s abuse and manipulation became more blatant,” she said.  

“The day I wrote ‘Vulnerability’ is the day I had my lightbulb moment. I finally took off my rose-colored glasses, and I saw the real and honest truth about that person,” she said, “I sat, and I wrote. I was crushed, I wasn’t okay. From this pain, Vulnerability was born,” she said.

Like a phoenix birthing through pain, “Vulnerability” rises from ashes.  

Being outspoken about one’s most traumatized experience takes enormous courage and a heart for the others who are going through the same. With the support and care from her friends and family, she is healing slowly and sturdy. She has found courage in the vows she took in her 20s and the vision for a safer space: “I think the courage comes from wanting to change the notion that talking about abuse is taboo. I hope that the more we talk about topics that are ‘taboo,’ the more we create a safety net for people to speak up.” 

“Vulnerability” is more than ear candy. It is a woman’s process to heal and a chance to speak up. Marlee Smith's voice is vulnerable yet full of strength in the expressiveness of cello as the light guitar flowing through her fingertips.  

“From those foundations, I slowly rebuilt myself – one tiny step at a time,” she said. 

As our aim to bring awareness to mental health and abuse, below is what Marlee Smith tells us about the cycle of manipulation and emotional abuse: 

“An abuser who has mastered manipulating others will subject you to that abuse and make you feel like it’s your fault. In general, most reasonable people will take on feedback and accept responsibility because there is no other explanation for why that person behaved that way towards you. In your mind, you try to rationalize how the other person could hurt you like that- you would never think of hurting them! The only explanation is that it must have been your fault and accept responsibility for the things that person has done. It usually starts with little things, and then over time, as you degrade, that person starts doing things that have an increasingly significant negative impact on your life. You apologize and feel grateful for that person's forgiveness, and each time this happens, you take a huge knock to your self-confidence. You feel like nobody else could ever possibly put up with you or want to be around you because you keep messing up every time that person manipulates and abuses you. You believe it’s your fault. A master of manipulation (especially narcissists) feeds this idea to you every time they do something awful. Over time, your worth becomes so degraded that you feel privileged your abuser is still with you. You are isolated, you feel worthless, useless, and it’s a miracle that the person sticks by you. This makes you feel intense gratitude for your abuser, so much so that you are indebted to them. It’s a vicious and horrific cycle, and it’s very hard to get out of. “

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