REVIEW & INTERVIEW: DAWNING “ENNUI”
Why do I feel this way? What does this experience tell me about myself? What does being happy really mean? Do my negative thoughts and emotions mean there’s something wrong with me? In answering these questions, Dawning started to separate himself from negative experiences and thought patterns and gradually began to see the good in life.
Like a breath of fresh air on a mountain top, “Ennui” is about realizing the simplicity of happiness and seeing the colors for the first time after years lingering in grey. Although the fight has not ended, the intensity of struggles hides in the shadow, waiting to attack in a moment of weakness, we can always celebrate the fun and happiness in life.
Just as many of his best song ideas, “Ennui” happened at work. Dawning couldn’t get the melody, and eventually, it became what we hear today. “In addressing myself in the chorus, there’s something of a dialogue between who I’ve been mentally and who I’m becoming. The ‘you’ in the chorus, oddly enough, is me,” said Dawning, “Ennui is all about the experience, not just of change, but metamorphosis, and a fundamental shift in perspective I’ve had after starting to see a therapist.”
After years of struggling with depression and suicidal tendency, lockdown and isolation had finally pushed Dawning over the bridge to get help. When the dream of doing what he wants without social obligations and restriction while being paid by the government finally came to a realization during covid, Dawning found himself being more depressed than ever, leaning towards alcoholism and futility.
“I realized, it wasn’t my job, or social obligations, or being poor that kept me from being who I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do, and feeling good about life. It was me; my perspective was keeping me from what I needed as an individual, and while of course, external circumstances play a role. I realized I had unresolved issues internally that were holding me back more than anything else and impacting me every single day,” said Dawning. He made the first step to see a therapist, which has fundamentally shifted his life.
When we shift from the mindset of losing control to being in control, the overwhelmingness of negative thoughts seems more manageable. From being a passenger in life, Dawning started to be more attentive. “Before I had felt very separated from life, very alienated from experiencing or feeling things,” he commented, “as opposed to letting nothing pass a wall, I’m more in touch with my emotions. I feel closer to my friends, my loved ones, and what I’m doing in the present moment. I’m more passionate about my passions, and I’m more in love with what I love.”
Of course, therapy isn't a magical cure. The fight with our inner demons is a tough and constant one, but it doesn’t have to be a journey alone. Sometimes, a helping hand and a listening ear are all it takes to heal. “Understanding can be found, and something can most definitely be done if you struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. There’s always hope, which is fundamentally what Ennui is about,” he said.
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