Mira Sthira On the Making Of ‘A Fix’
What was the creative process like for this particular ‘A Fix?’
Ultimately this song is about an addictive process, something that I have a lot of experience with as I do addiction counseling for my employment and additionally in my younger years I struggled with addictive patterns around substances particularly stimulants. With great pride, I feel I have done a lot of work on sitting with my own discomfort, working on healing, and not seeking the same sort of external validation or intensity. The process for this song was a bit different than my usual but a process so authentic to my overall method and reason for making music. Making this song came to me as an emergency of sorts and also as a lighthouse and marker of my own deeper recovery work. Encountering this emergency, I immediately started connecting with my ongoing music producer Mikheil Music to see what work he ALREADY had available for me to topline. Prior to this work, I hadn’t worked in this way, but this song about addiction needed to be created with urgency for me as a form of catharsis. I found an instrumental track that Mikheil had available for me to use and which I felt resonated with how I was feeling. I felt that the music and the sounds and melody mirrored how I was feeling inside. What I was feeling was some significant emotional distress around the loss of a person whom I found to be intoxicating at the time. I don’t feel this song is representative of that person as quite honestly this person is one of a long line of intoxicating situations. I found that I had difficulty doing ongoing healing and recovery work around these relationships and I had not yet done much in-depth work here. I was interpreting my use of people in this way as only fair and that perhaps by being available and supportive I could bring about change in other people while ignoring my own needs and further injuring myself. My thought was that I was helpful. The reality was that I was addicted to this “idea” of myself as a helper and “deep knower” and was seeking love where there was only abuse, intensity, volatility, pain, disconnection, and being harmed at a soul level. The thought that I’m “strong enough” to tolerate it more than others because of my ability to sit with troubled people as an addiction counselor, could make me feel simultaneously special, important, magical, and also martyred. However, the end result is that it did NOT make me feel this anymore and the only feeling was always soul collapse. Additionally, these patterns kept me at a distance from TRUE intimacy which had begun to feel scary to me from a prior relationship, so the avoidance of intimacy kept me stuck in the cycle itself where I would intentionally feel comforted by those I KNEW were not fully available in order to avoid intimacy of who I could feel a sense of intensity from believing that was intimacy. This is all the pattern of addiction. The problem was and is entirely internal for me and myself to own and I think with addictive processes it’s important to take self-responsibility. I can proudly say that I am no longer engaged in these patterns for a long while and that this song was written years ago. (:
What do you like the best about this EP?
I love its menacing and manical manner that I can actively characterize addiction by the two conflicting parts in one’s mind who is in an addictive process. People engaged in an addictive process aren’t bad people or helpless people they just have conflicting challenges in their minds and are also lacking self-confidence to make the needed changes and get their needs in a different manner. I love that this song characterized my addiction through a character named “Violet” who is impulsive, a bit manical, and a bit sneaky. She also really doesn’t believe in herself as much, perhaps she is also very child-like, pleasure-seeking seeking, and needing care. Violet and my higher wise-self started to communicate and the wise self encouraged Violet that it’s okay to sit in one’s own feelings even if they bring the realization of how injured in pain one is. That this is how wounds heal harden and scab. You can’t keep picking at it or reinjuring yourself by filling the wound with what just wounded you. My favorite thing is the message. An important one. I also love the Georgian Armenian and Eastern sounds in the production which I matched my vocals to.
How do you feel this ‘A Fix’ represents your artistic identity?
‘A Fix’ I feel represents my “shadow-self” expressed through music which takes a lot of bravery to share. I can’t count the times that people have been surprised by the content of my music let alone my life as sometimes people think I look a certain way on the outside. My artistic identity is one where I’m increasingly developing an authentic relationship with myself and best representing that through my art. I don’t believe in only making happy art, I believe sometimes the most uplifting art helps bring people through the darkness to the other side. And all of that is authentic. Mira Sthira means Ocean Strength in Sanskrit which to me means emotional strength. I think this song really ties into my emotional strength, the work I do on myself and my vulnerability in sharing this.
Can you tell us a bit about yourself and how you got started in music?
Well apparently according to my mother, I was writing vocals as a toddler. I do remember some of my earliest positive memories are me laying down on a red carpeted floor as a toddler looking at a toy box with various animals on it and singing songs about them. I have always been a creative soul and it’s taken me well into adulthood to be confident in sharing my music. I began writing little songs consciously in elementary school which were pretty silly at times. I recall in high school wanting to write vocals for bands that guys were in and being excluded because of my gender but also because I had dated some of them and obviously no one wanted that involved in their bands. In my 20’s I began writing songs on the guitar but I never saw myself as a musician. I always compared myself to friends who were much more skilled and trained and at that age it caused me to not believe in myself and my own ability to develop. I had some artist friends who offered me support and guidance and other best friends who I had a codependent relationship with where I followed them around, again as their “helper” who rode on their coattails. In my 30’s was when I was finally able to let this go more and just do what I want and to see everyone’s creative journey as sacred and beautiful. With this attitude I carry now I have great empathy and support for BOTH myself and others. I absolutely LOVE to support all artists no matter where they are on their journey and believe in art at a SOUL level.
Where do you find inspiration for your songs or musical ideas?
My inspiration is from my own healing powers and the soul of the Earth and consciousness itself I suppose. I have a deep spiritual connection with things particularly the Earth but also with alchemizing my own emotions through art, poetry, writing, and music and this connection I have with myself and my desire to grow and also serve others is my inspiration. Music is a healthy way that I can heal myself while also being of service. (: