“Though change is inescapable, our emotional connections always deepen and grow in ways that we can never predict. While nostalgia becomes our greatest enemy, it also becomes our greatest friend. The mystery and excitement we associate with elements of life isn’t a golden era because this morphs into our actual reality as we gain experience.” Eleanor Joy on “Alon. (Goldfish In My Bathtub)” 

In a submerged texture, light piano introduced us to a fictional, metaphoric story of being in the bathtub with goldfish, from the beginning of feeling playful and new with the experience to forging intimacy with the goldfish to feeling resentful, trapped in the same, repeated experience to the eventual resolution in peace and acceptance, “Anon. (Goldfish In My Bathtub” explores a woman’s journey with menstruation in relation with her body and mind. 

When creating the song, Joy was reading a biblical story where Jesus healed a woman who has been suffering from bleeding for 12 years. According to the Old Testament, she would have been “unclean” for the duration of bleeding, and therefore anyone or anything which touched her would also be unclean.  

“I was inspired by the stigma that has surrounded menstruation. The way it has been used to control and manipulate women through shame, the connotation that having a period suggests adulthood,” said Eleanor Joy, “Though a period is only +/- a week of bleeding a month, it feels like something we are constantly preparing for as if it is always at the back of your mind. I wanted to express the idea in a palatable way that reflects how I view my period.” 

As a child, we are often taught that the sign of our first period symbolizes womanhood. The expectation and excitement for a girl waiting for her first period kept building up to the point of arrival. It quickly faded, leaving days of continuing bleeding and years of the menstrual cycle to come. “I felt unfair,” she commented.  

Eleanor Joy intended to contrast the default goldfish symbolism of good luck, prosperity, success, and wealth. “I wanted the respect of the symbol to be fought with the feelings of a character, a constant balance between loving and tolerating,” she said.  

The theme of desire and longing for comfort and peace is explored throughout the track. “While understanding and connections deepen, we aren’t cut off from the positive we used to find within things that have changed,” said Eleanor Joy.  

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